Can I tell you something, I was afraid to admit? This year I have been reluctant to get out the holiday decor and actually have decided I probably won’t put up a big tree.
I really couldn’t put my finger on the reason. It isn’t that I’m dreading Christmas, or even sad or worried about it - but more like there’s some kind of anticipation or excitement that’s missing.
So this weekend I took to my quiet time and explored my feelings.
I asked myself why might I be feeling this way?
And went deeper with “And why is that?”
What is happening now that might be causing these feelings?
Once I let my feelings flow honestly - I realized that for me there were a few things going on for me this year.
I’m sharing about this in today's post, because while we are writing about traditions in my Preserve Your Past Share Your Stories Facebook group, I acknowledge that traditions around the holidays can bring up a lot of feelings.
So, if your holidays are going to be different in some way, then this post is for you.
Maybe you’ve lost someone, or you’ve moved, had a big life change, or like me, someone you love is far away - then this blog post is for you!
Today we are looking at how we can bridge the past and the present with our family traditions.
We all have memories and traditions that are sensitive and it is always hard when those traditions need to shift or change. I’ve had to do this many times in my life.
It’s never easy, but new traditions can be special as we bridge the old and new.
For me once I looked at what was going on this year I realized my reluctance for decorating was twofold.
First, I feel like I am in a Groundhog Day version of home repair. Last year we had work done up stairs due to a leak and I worked really hard getting both bedroom’s ready for my aunt and my son who was out of state in the Air Force. It was a lot of work, but I knew it would feel so great to have that all done! I was excited for everyone to be cozy and we enjoyed a wonderful holiday visit.
Right after the holidays, though, I had a serious fall and had to have my elbow reconstructed all while my husband was in the busiest part of his business. I remember not yet having surgery and trying to take down ornaments with one hand when moving at all was excruciating. I just tossed everything into boxes and bags and Mark had to throw them down in the basement. Because they were not sealed I could see this year that mice had got into a few of the bags and now what used to be treasured felt gross.
And between the fall and then another leak that meant one of those bedrooms was torn up again, I am now feeling like I am in the same place I was last year. So back to work on making the bedroom cozy and usable.
And second, this year my Air Force boy will not be home for the holidays as he is stationed overseas for 2 years.
My mom heart is so happy that he is loving his overseas adventure and we all keep in touch quite regularly, but this year will be different!
I shared a post on Facebook and Instagram with pics of my 2 boys in front of the tree. This has been a tradition since the youngest was born. And one of the traditions was the boys coming home from away and putting up all of their old school made ornaments. I’d make them pose in their Christmas Eve jammies and never knew what would happen. Their humor and belly laughs filled the house.
I promise you we will make every effort to reenact some sort of “in front of the tree” photo, and we will all be together virtually thanks to amazing technology, but I realize now what feels so different and why it was about the tree!
But this shift is not due to a loss, it is not permanent, and there are ways we can carry it on with a bit of an adjustment.
Other times I bridged the past and present of my traditions:
First Christmas after my mom passed away (Ski trip)
First Christmas after my dad - mimosas for all with Auntie
PJs from my childhood turned into PJs for the boys.
If you are having to shift or adjust a tradition this year due to a loss or change:
Take some time to pause and feel into what would feel good even though it is different.
How can you carry on a piece of the tradition while honoring your feelings and the change?
What are the pieces that need to be adapted? What can stay the same?
How can you give yourself the time and space to honor the loss or change? Acknowledging it is better than avoiding it.
And finally please know that I’m thinking of you if you’re going through this during this holiday season! Please share in the comments below if this touched you.