The thing that interests me most about family history is the gap between the things we think we know about our families and the realities. – Jeremy Hardy
One of the biggest reasons I started my own path to recording my family stories was the fact that I had so few in my parents' own words. After losing both parents within 4 years of each other in my late teens and early twenties, stories became like a lifeline to keeping their memories alive. I would soak in stories told by family and friends that would help me remember my parents afraid that the details that made them special would fade or that in life continuing on they would cease to matter.
As time went on my biggest concern was that their perspectives on life had disappeared. In my heart I know that much of their perspectives were handed down to me and my siblings throughout our childhood, but I also know that we were too young to have some of the more grown up conversations that would have meant a lot to us as we were navigating adulthood ourselves.
Like Hardy says, there will always be gaps “between the things we think we know about our families and the realities.” Even when we have stories “in their own words.” This is one of the truths of being human. No one can ever know everything about another person. There will always be stories that are kept private, family secrets that don’t get passed along, and gaps in what gets saved.
That being said, there are some things that can be done when researching family stories that can minimize this:
Try interviewing several people about the same story. Don’t just rely on one perspective. Everyone will give their own interpretation and somewhere in the middle of it all will lie a greater accuracy of the truth.
Try aligning your stories on a timeline. Once you look at the series of stories, you may see something in one of the earlier ones that you did not realize affected a later one. Looking at them chronologically will help you to look at the bigger picture and see how multiple events worked together.
If something doesn’t add up or it looks like there is a gap, go ahead and ask. If the person who can help fill in the blanks is still alive, maybe there is a way to create an appropriate time and place to talk about their viewpoint on what really happened.
Finally, do better yourself. Get your own stories down on paper before it’s too late. Leave your version in your own words, because in reality that is the most you can do. Your stories will only ever be your version and so there will always be gaps, but closing the gap in your stories will matter greatly to the next generation of readers looking for their history in the words of their ancestors.