Melissa’s childhood diary circa 1979
In reflecting on my past and thinking about the times in my life where family stories and personal stories really mattered I realized there were clearly specific times in my life when the passion and drive to preserve the past through stories was the strongest. Here are the 5 that first came to mind:
As a small child, first bonding with my family and realizing there was a life that had been lived before I was born. So whether it was stories of my parents, childhood, how they met, or of my grandparents and their life, I hung on every word. I realize now that connecting to the past was important to me, even at that young age.
At the age of eleven, when I received a diary from my uncle, and started documenting my own stories, including my feelings, my goals, and the lessons I was learning. I was able to look back at each entry and see growth gained in both the everyday moments as well as bigger life events.
At the age of 18 when my mom passed and 4 years later when we lost my dad, I realized this appreciation for stories was double edged. Anyone who has lost a family member knows that often part of the grieving process is the sharing of family stories. This was so important and processing the loss of both parents, aunts, uncles and friends of theirs shared lots of beautiful memories, but now that they were both gone, it also meant that we as children didn’t have stories in our parents own words. This was before Facebook, email, and Instagram, so we really didn’t have much physical evidence aside from various photos and oral stories told by others. This is a big part of what drove me to start documenting more of my stories in my own words for my children.
After the loss of a dear friend to breast cancer. Sharing stories within our group of friends helped us process the loss and was also a powerful way to help her live on in our community. Sharing memories with her children was also an important piece for me personally.
And when my boys were babes it started with me recording their childhood milestones in baby books and grew into me wanting them to know their predecessors and the stories of both the family they knew as well as those they had never met. I also began sharing stories of my own life so they would have them in my words.
I want them to see that life is full of good and bad, love and loss, and challenges and victories, and through these real life examples of courage and resilience know that these challenges and celebrations are an inevitable part of life, but like any good story, it is the journey through the difficulties that matters most.
These were only five examples in my life. As I edited this I could think of so many more. The point is as humans, stories matter and help us to process life as well as connect to others (past, present, and future.) Writing your personal stories doesn’t need to wait for old age or be reserved to collecting a parent’s stories. Start where you are while the memories are fresher, and you and your children will be blessed by more detailed memories in your words to look back on when they miss you.
Tell me what are some of the times when personal or family stories meant the most to you? And who will your stories mean the most to?